THINKI guess that I’ve been watching too many cable news shows on television, because I had a rather strange dream the other night.  In my dream, President Obama decided to give a speech in Israel on his way back from Cairo.  To be different, he decided to give this speech in Haifa, rather than the usual site of Jerusalem or Tel Aviv.  So many people evinced interest in attending that he chose an elevated spot on Mt. Carmel from which to deliver the speech.  There have been many jokes about the teleprompters that the President uses, but in this case, the teleprompters, through some cosmic mix-up, shoed the sermon on the mount (in modern English, of course.  In my dream, I watched the usual comments on television:

RUSH LIMBAUGH: There he goes again with that Pinko-Liberal bias.  What does he mean “Blessed are the poor?”  It’s obvious that it isn’t the poor, who are always looking for another handout who are blessed, it’s those hardworking Americans who have been rewarded for their work ethic!

NEWT GINGRICH:  What does he mean “I say unto you, that whosoever shall divorce his wife causes her to commit adultery?”  It’s not his business how many divorces I’ve had.  And that bit about not committing adultery is much too judgmental for any president..  I guess he presumes that he knows all of the circumstances.  I’ll bet he never had a wife who had cancer while he was interested in another woman!

JOHN BOEHNER:  I’m afraid that the populace is absolutely unable to support such a rampant and unnecessary expensive idealistic program at this time.  Our caucus will propose a much more reasonable approach in the future.

ERIC CANTOR:  I, and several of my colleagues believe that what has been proposed is not what the American people want at this time.  We are preparing to depart on a nationwide series of  town halls in order to discover what, if any, program true Americans really want.

TOM TANCREDO:  Sounds like a bunch of foreign ideas to me.  It’s time we originated some true American ideas!  These ideas obviously originated with some rag-head in the near East.

MICHAEL STEELE:  We brothers had better ideas in the ‘hood.

DICK CHENEY:  Once again, Obama is signaling his intent to make the American people less safe from foreign terrorists.  “Agree with your adversary quickly” – those are just the words that Osama bin Laden wants to hear. And what dangerous, treasonous lines: “You’ve heard it said “Love your neighbors and hate your enemies’ but I tell you love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you..”  What is he proposing to do?  Have a tea party with Ahimidinijad and Kim Il Sung and ask them “one lump or two?’  That man is dangerous as President..

MARY CHENEY: I agree with my father, even if he never said it.

RACHEL MADDOW: He actually said: “Don’t think that I have come to repeal the law or contradict the prophets, for I proclaim that not one detail of the law shall be forgotten.  I haven’t come to change the law, but to fulfill it.”  That doesn’t sound like the change we were promised.

MIKE HUCKABY:  The Fundamentalist Christian community will never stand for bringing back all of those Old Testament rules.  I don’t think that even the Liberal Christians want them!

GLEN BECK:  Every time that Obama talks it makes me want to cry for my country.

CHRIS MATTHEWS  couldn’t decide whether to have two theologians (one liberal and one fundamental) or Democratic and Republican “strategists” on the program to discuss the speech, so he skipped the entire subject.